Shinigami Days: Academy
by jooce
Summary: Before the war and the substitute, the shinigami had to have gone to school. A series of drabbles about random characters during their time in the Shinigami Academy, with all the insanity and hilarious moments included.
1. Mystery Meat

**Title:** Mystery Meat  
**Warning:** Language  
**Characters:** Ikkaku, Yumichika  
**Summary**: Ikkaku and Yumichika encounter lunch.  
**AN:** There isn't much backstory regarding the Shinigami Academy so I thought I'd throw some drabbles out. :)

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"This is some fucked up stuff." Ikkaku avidly stabbed the brown mass of some_thing_ that was splattered on his plate.

"Mmm, it isn't beautiful at all." His classmate Yumichika was seated across from him in the cafeteria where the shinigami-in-training were spending their lunchtime downing some mystery meat.

The bald student scowled. "I ain't eating this shit." Without his wooden sword which was only allowed for class, he used his chopsticks to poke deep holes into the meal, which was steaming an odd odor. "What is it, beef?"

"I don't think cows exist in Soul Society." Yumichika was the sensible one and got a salad.

"Probably a boar or something then." Ikkaku, bored with his food, roughly got up and stretched his arms wide. "Let's find someone to fight with." He unarmed himself of his chopsticks and, with his hands on his head, stalked off in search of prey.

The black-haired man smiled before following suit. He threw Ikkaku's tray into the trash can.

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Reviews loved. :)


	2. A Little Too Hard

**Title:** A Little Too Hard  
**Warning:** Language  
**Characters:** Kenpachi  
**Summary**: Kenpachi is tested on other shinigami duties besides fighting.  
**A/N:** Haha some more 11th division fun.

Oh and I just read Bleach -105 and it was fun seeing Byakuya get angry. XD So freakin' awesome.

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"N-no, hey, g-get away from me!" The ghost's black mustache twitched as he scrambled backwards on all fours. The middle-aged man, dead from getting several beer bottles smashed over his head, looked up in fear at the giant hulk of a man looming over him. He gasped for air as the shinigami-in-training slammed down his sheathed sword into his stomach.

"Che, shut the fuck up already," Kenpachi ordered in a bored tone. When the soul, wide-eyed, started wriggling away after Kenpachi lifted his sword from his abdomen, he was pinned to the ground by the man's heavy foot on his chest. "Damn it, stop movin' already so I can hurry up and get this shit done."

"W-wait, I don't want to go to hell!" He started trembling badly, his eyes painfully concentrated on the frightening face above him.

"You ain't goin' to hell." Kenpachi grinned, bearing his carnivorous teeth. "The place you're going to is far more fun than that." He then promptly lifted the hilt of his sword and brought it down upon the poor soul's forehead for the soul burial.

There was an explosion.

When the smoke cleared, the shinigami examiner could see the soul still on Earth. There was a huge wound on his head, with blood gushing out because of the impact of Kenpachi's uncontrolled reiatsu during the ritual. "Um, I think you may have hit him a little too hard…"

As soon as he said that, an extremely large void opened up beneath the soul and he was received by a white light before disappearing. "So I pass right?" Kenpachi asked, stretching his neck.

"A-ah," the examiner stuttered from shock, "yes, you pass…"

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Yah I can't imagine Zaraki as a student either.


	3. Meditation

**Title:** Meditation  
**Warning:** Does alcohol count? XD  
**Characters:** Hitsugaya, Shunsui  
**Summary**: Hitsugaya find that Meditation class isn't exactly what he asks for.  
**A/N:** I've been updating almost everyday…yay for spring break. XD

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Hitsugaya twitched. He should have known only bad things would come if he signed up for an extra course that used a pink, sakura-scented piece of paper.

The students in his dorm had gathered around the bulletin board, but the boy waited for most of them to leave so he wouldn't have to crane his neck. Of all the sign-up sheets, the pink one stood out: Meditation, taught by Kyouraku-taicho of the 10th Division. Hitsugaya definitely needed a way to get rid of his stress, and meditation seemed like a good way to get rid of the negative energy. Also, it was taught by one of the captains of the Gotei 13, so he put his name on the list…

…and now he was the only one sitting down quietly while all of the other students were talking loudly, taking advantage of the fact that their teacher was late. They were instructed to be at an open, grassy field a bit further away from the academy where it was _supposed_ to be quieter. The rowdiness was starting to get to him when Hitsugaya saw a couple of pink petals float past him on the breeze. The class grew quiet and attentive as a bearded man in a pink haori approached them before sitting cross-legged on the green grass. "Kyouraku-sensei!" everyone saluted before following suit.

"Ya-re, ya-re," the captain addressed the seated students. "What a large class I have…well as you all should know, one of the uses of meditation is to relax yourself. So to start with, I'd like you to drink this special fluid which will help calm down your mind." One of the shinigami from his division passed around small cups filled with clear liquid. "Now, drink." Shunsui lifted his cup and took a hearty gulp.

Hitsugaya lifted it to his face before he was hit by a distinctive smell: alcohol. He recognized it from the drunkards hanging around his home in Rukongai. Quickly dropping the cup, the boy was about to protest, but he saw that everyone else had already downed their beverage. "Kyouraku-sensei, isn't this—"

"Sake? Yes it is. It's proven to have calming effects on the mind, you know." Shunsui proceeded to refill his cup with a bottle hidden behind his back.

The white-haired boy almost gaped at the teacher's odd behavior. Alcohol in class? Wait, alcohol for class? He looked around to see the rest the class, acting tipsy. One of the smaller-sized girls who was a bit more affected than the rest meandered over to Hitsugaya before throwing her arms around his neck and shouting, "I loooove you Hitsu-chaaan!"

Quickly recovering from shock, Hitsugaya shoved the girl off with a huge vein throbbing on his forehead. He definitely was not going to be transferred to the 8th division when he graduated.

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Yah a bit cracky..XD

Thanks AllenxWalker'sxEnemy and Substitute Shinigami 95 for the reviews. :3


	4. Grande

**Title:** Grande  
**Characters: **Renji, Kira, Hinamori  
**Summary**: The students spend the class learning about Menos Grandes.

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"Please open your textbooks to page 967," the teacher stated to the class. There was a shuffle of papers immediately afterwards as the class obediently followed directions. "Alright, today we will be discussing—"

"Menos Grande?" Renji half-whispered from his seat at the back of the room. "Big Minus? What kind of name is that?"

"I think it's Spanish…" Kira mumbled next to him, his head bent down to follow what the teacher was reading from the pages.

"Just 'cause it's Spanish doesn't give it an excuse for its appearance. I mean, look at this," Renji pointed at the sketch of the hollow on the page, "it's a freakin' deformed snowman!"

"…snowman?"

"Well, it's suppose to be really big and stronger than normal hollows," Hinamori mentioned, taking in the illustration that took up less than half of the page.

"It has the face of a doll with a pointy nose!" the redhead retorted. "Besides, size doesn't mean strength. And how big is this thing anyway—"

"Almost as big as your ego, Abarai Renji." A hand slammed down onto his desk, making him jump. The teacher had walked to the back of the classroom while the three were whispering. Or at least Kira and Hinamori were. "If you actually want to learn about it, pay attention class." The teacher glared at the student before resuming his post at the front of the class.

Renji's classmates snickered while he flushed. He didn't have a big ego.

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Haha I actually think Menos Grandes are cute.

Hmm, 7th reviewer can give me a prompt for another drabble. :)


	5. Makeup

**Title:** Makeup  
**Characters: **Kurotsuchi Mayuri  
**Summary**: Kurotsuchi spends his time in between classes in the bathroom.  
**A/N:** Names courtesy of 20000-NAMES. I need a timeline to see which people I can use together. XD Oh and if you read the recent Bleach chapters, that's where I'm getting the description from.

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"Where's he going?" one of the students asked his friend after the bell signaled that class was over. For the past couple of days after Kurotsuchi Mayuri transferred to their practical swordsmanship class, the new classmate remained reclusive and did not try to make friends, only interacting when he felt the need to scoff quietly at an "inferiority." And immediately after every dismissal bell, the man would promptly leave the training grounds for one of the buildings while the rest of the class took their time to leave, chatting with their peers.

Being the curious students they were, Akio and Toshiaki felt the need to follow their class enigma to his mysterious destination he felt the need to reach so swiftly.

"Shh, stop breathing so loud," Akio whispered rather loudly, nudging his friend in the ribs as they crept as silently as they could behind the trailee.

"Look who's making all the noise," Toshiaki muttered, entering the building where the pair had their next class, which coincidently Kurotsuchi shared. "Wait, I think he's going into the bathroom…" The two quickly hid behind a corner as the man entered the room labeled with a plaque bearing, "Men." The image of a hakama-wearing man underneath was useless for separating the male and female lavatories.

"C'mon, let's go." Akio quickly dragged the shorter student from their hiding spot and strided towards the restroom before pushing open the swinging door slightly. The two put their heads in line, Toshiaki's on the bottom, to get a view of whatever Kurotsuchi was doing without opening the door too much.

The subject of the investigation was staring intently into one the square mirrors, leaning over the ceramic white sink. Kurotsuchi had a small brush in his hand, applying fresh black face paint to the area around his eyes, careful not to irritate them. On the sink were two bottles of paint, the white one unopen yet.

"Is he…putting on makeup?" Toshiaki whispered uncertainly. Akio just stared at the tall man, finally aware of what strange habit was the cause of his rapid flights after class.

Kurotsuchi turned his face towards the exit of the bathroom so he could examine his left cheek in the mirror. The sweat aquired from his class often washed away some of his paint around his forehead, which he found was unacceptable. Then his eyes focused on the two heads peeking in through the doorway. "What are you brats doing here? Or would you find it necessary for me to consider dissecting your heads so I may found out the innerworkings of imbeciles?"

The "imbeciles" jumped at their discovery, hitting each other in an attempt to scramble away from the brutal tongue of their classmate. Toshiaki did his best to swing the door close, putting a wall between them. Then they quickly ran off to their next class with Akio in the lead, leaving Kurotsuchi to scowl before finishing putting on his makeup.

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The amount of people who viewed this increased, but I'd really love to hear your thoughts about the drabbles, whether it be any characters you'd like to see or any mistakes you found or anything at all. Reviews make my day. :)


	6. Terrier

**Title:** Terrier  
**Characters: **Urahara, Yoruichi  
**Summary**: Yoruichi searches the academy for her new pet, only to find it in the hands of someone else.  
**A/N:** Had this idea in my head for a while. I love these two characters. x3

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"If I can switch the 3rd section of the incantation with a temperamental binding code and lower the reiatsu used, but increase the speed of the output without loosing the white lightning…" a student, looking no more than twelve, murmured to himself, pouring over his notes for kidou. The blond was currently seated in an empty green field under a tree, the sunlight peeking just enough through the branches. The breeze caused the silhouette of the leaves to dance lightly over the boy, shadowing over his eyes. Surrounded by piles of thick books with little notes sticking out of the pages, the quiet area was a great place to work on kidou theory, with nobody else around—

There was a munching noise coming from his feet. Urahara turned his attention to a little blond blob with the same shaggy hair as him chewing at his papers. He was wide-eyed and still for a moment before quickly scrambling to his feet. "Hey, those are mine," the student shouted quietly, motioning with his hands for the dog to get away from his hard work. The wheaten terrier only responded by yipping at his fingers, after which he used his jaws to seize a couple of papers and sprung away.

"Aah…" Urahara mumbled helplessly, scratching the back of his head. It was curious why such a rare animal such a terrier, especially a well groomed one, was hanging around the academy. He inwardly debated whether or not he could actually catch the dog but then finally set off after the thief whose escape was halted by an enchanting butterfly.

- - - - - - - - - -

"I apologize, Shihouin-dono," the servant stated, bowing low to the young, purple-haired girl in front of him.

"No need to be sorry, Manabu-san," Yoruichi replied, disapprovingly picking up her caretaker's head. "It was my fault; I shouldn't have brought Mao-chan to the academy when I know she doesn't really like me." She showed a faint hint of annoyance when she looked at several scratch marks on her arm.

"But your father will not be pleased when he learns that you lost his gift for passing the entrance exam," Manabu noted, concerned, as he followed his mistress across the academy grounds in search of the little dog.

"_If_ he finds out," the student responded offhandedly, "which he won't. I saw where she ran off after she scratched me."

"Alright, Shihouin-dono." The two walked towards the back of a building before the sight of a large grassy field reached their eyes. They could hear barking in the distance.

"There!" Yoruichi shouted, pointing at a tree across the green expanse. She quickly ran off, the sleeves of her uniform flapping around her dark arms. Her caretaker shouted for his mistress, attempting to follow her as best he could.

Urahara turned when he heard a yell coming from behind him, doing his best to escape the swiping claws of the terrier he was currently holding, along with several sheets of mutilated notes. Mao-chan also noticed the pair coming towards them and leaped out of the student's arms towards the caretaker. Manabu quickly grabbed the runaway pet and made sure she couldn't escape again, gently chiding her.

"Thanks for finding my dog!" The girl flashed a big grin at her benefactor after reaching the tree. "Oh, you're in some of my classes, Urahara-kun, right?"

The blond looked flustered, being thanked by a noble's daughter. "It was no problem at all, Shihouin-sama."

Yoruichi huffed. "We're classmates aren't we? It's Shihouin-_san_."

Seeing her indignant look, Urahara complied sheepishly with his head slightly bowed. "Sorry, Shihouin-san." He lifted his head up a bit. "That's a cute dog you have, by the way."

"Bah, it doesn't like me at all, always barking at me."

"Heh I don't think it likes me either...it kept biting my notes."

Urahara and Yoruichi laughed as Mao-chan woofed at both of them.

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Thanks TheSmallestGhost, Takai' Hosuto, and cityangelz for the reviews. Reviews are super-loved!

Oh and 7th reviewer can still give me a prompt!


	7. Spork

**Title:** Spork  
**Characters: **Urahara, Yoruichi  
**Summary**: Urahara has a spark of supposed genius.  
**A/N:** Sorry I haven't been updating. Been busy with school. D8

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Urahara watched as the yellow-green liquid seep through the indentations of his three-pronged fork. "Yoruichi, do you have a spoon?"

Said student looked up from her plate of steaming fish, with a pair of chopsticks in hand. "Nope, why don't you go ask the lunch lady for one?"

"Ahah, she sorta scares me…"

"Well it's better than trying to have your soup with a fork," Yoruichi dead-panned before taking a swig of milk.

Urahara just stared at his utensil for a moment, twisting it around with his fingers. "It would be better if they had something that could scoop and fork stuff in case someone takes the wrong one." He held it up, but sideways so the soup wouldn't drip onto his hand. "Maybe something like a spoon…with small prongs at the end to grab stuff but keeps its round shape." His face lit up at his revolutionary idea. "I'd call it a spork, for 'spoon' and 'fork'!"

The dark-skinned girl was only listening half-heartedly, used to his ramblings of new ideas and inventions. "That's a great idea and all, just make it after you finish eating or we'll be late for class," Yoruichi replied in between mouthfuls of grilled fish.

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For all your sporky needs.

Reviews loved! :)


	8. Stuffing

**Title:** Stuffing  
**Characters: **Yamamoto, Shunsui, Ukitake, Unohana  
**Summary**: Ukitake prepares a turkey for the shinigami-Thanksgiving feast.  
**A/N:** This is for **MattsyKun the Ninja Alchemist**, the 7th reviewer. 3 Hope you like it!

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"Thanksgiving?" the brunette queried, seated in front of the principal in his office.

"Yes, Thanksgiving," Yamamoto repeated. He took a sip from his steaming cup of tea before continuing. "This is traditionally an American holiday, but I thought it would it would be fitting for the Shinigami Academy. After a successful founding, we have had years with flourishing shinigamis. As a senior, I am asking you to help make preparations for the celebration."

"Sounds fun, ol' Yama!" Shunshui answered with a grin. "When do I start?"

"Now. I am exempting you from your classes so you can help me plan the event. A Thanksgiving feast will be needed, though we will be including some Eastern dishes such as tea—"

"Ah, I know the perfect man for the job!"

The elder looked at the student who just interrupted him. "The cooks are capable of creating a large-scale meal—"

"Of course, but I mean for the main course. It has to be turkey with stuffing, and Jyushiro is a great at cooking specialty foods. You should try his cranberry lollipops."

"I know his capabilities, so I will trust you. Now then, about the decorations…"

--

A couple weeks had past, and Yamamoto's work had finally come into fruition. The many students were chatting animatedly in the large cafeteria, which had transformed into a festive location. The tables were sprinkled with dead leaves and someone had snuck in a couple of live turkeys, which were dashing around the room, their gobbling drowned by the noise. Cornucopias were placed around the cafeteria, but one was taken by a shinigami and worn as a hat.

"Maoooo-chan! Eat with me?" Shunshui made grabby hands at a brunette student seated across the table from him. All the ladies had given him wide berth, and Mao just scooted away. Only Unohana was seated next to him, and the man wouldn't dare to try anything.

"You did a great job with this celebration," she noted serenely. "I can't wait to see what Jyushiro-kun created."

Right then the doors to the kitchen burst open, and cooks came out with platters of mashed potatoes and gravy in their hands. More food came out, and they quickly set the table with foreign food, which the students quickly grabbed at. Finally, Ukitake came out, aided by another cook, carrying a huge turkey whole, baked golden to perfection. Several other turkeys were also brought out, and soon the entire feast was laid out.

"Hope you enjoy the food," the white-haired man said amiably. Everyone cheered and dug into the feast.

"Great job, Jyu-chan!" Shunsui grinned as he clapped his hand on the man's back as he sat down next to him.

"Hehe, thanks. Took me a while to find a good recipe for the stuffing though—"

"AAAAAAAAHHH!"

Several screams were heard as people jumped away from the table. There, in the middle, was a hulking blob of _something,_ moving its way out of the turkey. The multicolored stuffing creeped its way down the table, making bubbling sounds.

"Jyushiro, what did you put in there?" the bearded man asked warily.

"Well I tried my own recipe and added some cranberries and sugar and chocolate and some other sweets to the bread, and I found it taste very good. I have to say it's my best creation yet," he answered with a smile.

Everyone else was running around the room, trying to get away from the monstrosity, when a loud _bam_ was heard. The students stopped for a moment to look at the source of the sound.

Unohana was standing over Ukitake's food, her hand firmly clamped around a steak knife that was stabbed right through the center of the stuffing. The cuisine was squirming around its captor, gurgling bits of marshmallows out. Then the woman took a fork, ripped a piece of the stuffing off, and put it into her mouth. She slowed chewed before swallowing. She smiled. "Delicious!"

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They're magically delicious! Lol.

Review extremely loved. :)


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